It is sick that sometimes sickness is used as a hook to fish love and attention.

7th Self-sabotaging question on a teenager’s mind.
May 10, 2015
Podcast #1 Featuring Faisal Hameed Khattak
June 26, 2015
Show all

It is sick that sometimes sickness is used as a hook to fish love and attention.


As far back as I can remember my mother used to use this weapon when she needed some attention or when she wanted to resolve an issue with my father. He also had his own sickness to use when he needed acknowledgement. To me, that was the only mechanism they had to stay together and get each other’s attention.  Actually there was one more and that was fear of Others’ judgment; what if they didn’t stay together. What would others (relatives, friends, neighbors) think of them?

Now I know why I had developed this reoccurring stomach ache and neck pain. By having these two I would get a break from the beatings or verbal abuse at home plus a bit of attention, mostly negative.

What I know now is that by us giving her attention through sickness, my mother developed numerous sicknesses and the biggest one was the cancer. Her mind knew the only way to attract others was to have some sort of sickness and it would manifest them all the time, with great success.

You may know someone around you who is always sick for whatever reason even though they might live with you in the same environment. Isn’t it strange that they attract all these sicknesses while you enjoy good health?

Here is the kicker, have you ever noticed they don’t talk about their sickness anymore when you stop paying attention to their every day rambling about it?

When I look around, it’s a huge problem. People are being held hostages in relationships using this weapon. Many couples live their entire lives together even though they are always at odds, the only bond in their relationship is the glue of sickness. Some parents play this card to keep their children closer to them. What the heck?

What if these relationships were made using authenticity? Why would you stay with someone who is using their sickness as a hook, even when you know it? Why would parents use this cheap trick on their own children and keep them captive in their web? It’s not love, it’s asking for their attention as a ransom.hostage

To me it boils down to self leadership. When we don’t know who we really are, who we really want to be with, what we really need. When we are not sure of ourselves, we attach ourselves to a person/ persons even though they might not be the right match for us. Then we do everything possible to keep them closer to us even if we have to use sickness to get their attention and love. They become our life line.

One thing has to be noted here that our young adults subconsciously learn the same traits, they see in their parents and then they pass them on to their own children.

Question is, are we going to keep on playing the “Sickness game” with our loved ones? or are we gonna step up, be authentic to ourselves and others and stop sabotaging ourselves by playing sick? Are we going to empower “sickness players” by simply setting up some boundaries and showing love and giving attention when they stop playing?

We have to be positive role models for our children so they could begin their own self leadership and not keep worrying about whose turn is it next to get sick in their family.

P.S. If you liked this post and feel like it may help others, please don’t hesitate to share it then.

Thank you!

With gratitude.

Faisal Hameed Khattak